March Wild Camp: A Rite of Passage

Yay, it’s that time again……time to go camping. I had to abort my last camping trip (in February) due to man-flu so it’s been a while and I needed a ‘fix’. The solution – two glorious nights in my local woodland! However, the weather forecast was pretty foul with lots of rain on its way. But who cares, I would at least be ready for it.

Camping for two nights means I’ll be packing some extra food. The cold and wet weather also meant I’d be packing some extra clothing and kit. All of this gear was shoe-horned into my 65 litre rucksack and wow, it weighed an absolute ton! It would however take more than a spot of rain and a cumbersome rucksack to dampen my spirits. I heaved the pack onto my back, cinched down the straps and slowly made my way to camp as I pondered whether it was really necessary to be carrying all this kit!

Happily, I didn’t have so far to walk to camp. It was a little less than a mile along a mostly up-hill trail. To be honest, there’s no way I’d consider carrying such a heavy load any further than that and know that I could reduce the pack weight if necessary.

I was fortunate in that I had a small weather window in which I could get to camp, set up my shelter and process some fire wood before the rain arrived (‘weather window’ makes me sound like such an adventurer!). I think this was a bit of a blessing as there’s nothing worse than setting up camp in the rain.

As with my recent camps, I chose to sleep on the ground again and set-up a simple lean-to shelter which provided plenty of living space and protection from the rain. In terms of my sleep system, I packed my British Army Bivvi bag, Alpkit sleeping bag and Exped Downmat. I’m really liking my new sleeping mat that my wife got me for Christmas. It’s the first camping mattress that I’ve had where I can sleep comfortably on my side and has really changed my attitude to sleeping on the ground. I shall still be taking my hammock out on future camps but will also be mixing that up with a bit more ground dwelling.

After setting up my humble abode, I also pitched a second tarp as a communal shelter. We ended up spending quite a lot of time under this shelter so it was well worth the extra weight. What a steal this tarp was though; it’s a genuine British Army ‘basha’ (there’s a lot of dodgy copies knocking about), it’s absolutely bombproof and I bought it off ebay for less than a tenner! Don’t let it be said that you have to spend fortunes to kit yourself out with the very best camping gear! 

And then just before the rain arrived I spent a good hour or so collecting fire wood, processing it and storing it under the tarp. Given how wet the weather had been, I focussed on collecting ‘dead-standing’ wood which should be considerably dryer than anything sitting on the forest floor. Being very careful, I was able to coax a couple of silver birches down to the ground that were blown over and caught up against other trees – this provided plenty of fire wood. I won’t lie, it took quite a lot of effort to cut the wood down to size with my axe and pruning saw, but the workout was good and it certainly kept me warm! The trouble with processing all that fire wood was that all the lactic acid build up in my arms and hands meant that I’d lost some dexterity in hand and wrist movement. It therefore took a while for me to get to grips with my ferro rod and throw a decent spark on the birch bark scrapings that I’d prepped. I got there in the end though and managed to get the fire going just as the rain started. Time for a cup of tea!

And that was pretty much me sorted for the day, I drank lots of tea, sat under my shelter and watched while my camp mates arrived and endured the fun of setting up their home in the pouring rain. The rain stayed with us until late in the evening where finally we were able to gather round the fire and dry off our wet clothes. Seldom will you see grown men bent over with their bums positioned as close to the fire as they dare while trying to dry off their wet back sides. You put a lot of trust in your camp mates at this point because if one of them blows off, the others will be losing some of their bodily hair! These are just some of the less glamourous things that happen on a wet camping trip that don’t seem to make the cut on a Ray Mears programme!

I went to bed fairly early and had a wonderfully warm and comfortable night’s sleep, waking occasionally to hear the soothing pitter-patter of rain on tarp.

Note to self – The sound of my snoring is just as loud as the roars of every great beast roaring ecstatically in a chorus of roars. The comments arrived in the morning, “who was that noisy (enter expletive here) last night” Words spoken in jest, but I know the sounds of words spoken through gritted teeth when I hear them!

Yes that’s right, I’m a snorer, I’m not proud of it, I even wake myself up doing it on the train to and from work. But…yes I confess, I am a snorer.

Maybe next time I’ll remember to pitch my tarp a little further away from the others.

Sorry about that chaps!

But on the plus side, we’d awoken to a much better day for it had stopped raining and the birds were singing their dawn chorus (or perhaps it was the echoes of my snoring reverberating across the valley!). If yesterday was a day for setting up, staying dry and drinking tea, then today was a day for doing stuff…and drinking tea!

So the first order of business was to put the kettle on! And then there were some camp chores to be done. The area surrounding the camp fire was well trodden and very muddy so we gathered some leaf litter and spread that around the area to help soak up some of the moisture. This worked a treat and made camp a little more comfortable, I also knocked up a simple bench with some of the birch deadfall.

Another thing that I wanted to do was cook up a nice brunch. This was partly because I had a nice shiny new frying pan and there’s no better way to christen a pan than frying up some sausage, bacon and eggs! Apart from the obvious health issues (my body is a temple!!!), I don’t know why I don’t do a fry up in the woods more often, it tasted infinitely better than any bowl of porridge!

After gorging on that amazing plate of deliciousness, I then spent the rest of the day whittling while mentally and physically preparing myself for the ‘Great British Crumble Off’. By pure coincidence, my camp mates and I all planned to cook an Apple Crumble for desert (using a great one-pot recipe devised by Neil – check out his youtube channel called ‘Greencraft’). And given that we were all cooking the same thing it made sense to turn it into a competition! My nephew who was due to arrive with his Dad for an overnighter was to be the blind taster and head judge!

This was a challenge that my camp mates and I all embraced with great conviction. Such was our competitive nature that we took the challenge a step further by crafting our own pot hangers from which we would cook our crumbles. It became a ridiculous competition to craft the straightest, most adjustable and aesthetically pleasing pot hanger. But of course, mine was best!!!

Later in the afternoon as we were milling around the camp fire, I heard the snap of a twig and I saw my brother with his youngest son – Charlie saunter into camp carrying their heavy backpacks.  To say Charlie was excited would be a bit of an understatement, this was to be his first overnighter with us in the woods.

Both went about setting up their hammocks and tarps while we began to prepare dinner(a simple pasta meal for me). But, as we closed in on our inaugural bake off, tensions and rivalry were definitely beginning to boil over.  My camp mates and fellow bakers – Des and Steve were trying to gain a psychological advantage by boasting about how good there crumble was going to be (They’ve got all the talk but can they walk the walk!). Like a Zen master, it all went over my head though as it was me who introduced this recipe (and Neils youtube channel) to them and I knew that I had the upper hand and was well practiced.

I also had the benefit of being the head judges Uncle. Despite attempts from Des to bribe him (I shan’t disclose the vulgar sums of money that were being offered), Charlie knew which way his bread was buttered and he knew the consequences of judging against me (rubbish Birthday/Christmas presents!). There was one problem though which threw a rather large spanner in the works. Charlie was to be blindfolded while tasting. Damn, I’d actually have to put some effort in!

And so the moment arrived, three glorious crucibles containing Apple Crumbly goodness were cooking over the fire and were being watched very carefully by three incongruous bakers. We were each putting our own little touches to the crumble by using different fruits. We all used Apple, but Des added apricot, Steve added berries and I stayed faithful to the original recipe by adding raisins.

We all fussed over our Crumbles like they were prized possessions but the time had come and it was down to a blindfolded Charlie to decide. Nom nom nom “hmm that was nice” nom nom nom “yummy, more please” nom nom nom.

And the winner is……..a complete and utter travesty. “Steve’s crumble?….I’m sorry Charlie, I must be mistaken, I could have sworn that you just said Steve’s crumble was best…..you do know who I am don’t you……..”. “Sorry Uncle Gav, Steve’s was really nice!”

I can’t even believe I’m writing this, all because he put sodd!ng berries in it to make it a little sweeter. I came second but I’m still claiming the moral victory for remaining true to the actual recipe (unlike Steve!)

I’m writing this blog a few weeks after this particular camp, but I’m still reeling! Why not check out Des’ video of the outcome (apologies for the language, he’s from Essex!):

As dusk drew upon us, I went down to the field with Charlie and his Dad to see if we could see any Owls quartering the field while they searched for prey. No such luck, but it’s always such a pleasure to drink in the views and enjoy the peaceful surroundings in our Great British countryside.

And then, in that moment of serenity, Charlie uttered those magical words ”I think I need a poo”.

His first poo in the woods! it surely is a rite of passage for anyone embarking on their first wild camp. I shan’t divulge any further detail for it is a very private moment. But, when he returned to camp he was grinning like a Cheshire Cat and looked like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. We were all very proud of him and knew it would set him up for a good night in his hammock.

We spent the rest of the night sat around the fire, staring into the white hot abyss. Happy Days indeed.

Time for bed, my fellow campers had a real treat in store as my brother was an equally impressive snorer! What can I say, it must be in our genes. What a lovely night’s sleep though, I slept right through until the call of the first skylark in the dawn chorus (noisy so and so’s!).

What a great camping trip though, there were certainly some challenges in dealing with the wet weather. But that’s never an issue so long as you bring the right clothing and equipment. Great food, great company, rubbish bake-off and a big moment for Charlie.

As always we took great care in cleaning up camp, collecting rubbish ensuring there was no fire scar and leaving no trace. It was nice to walk back to the car with a slightly lighter rucksack. Here’s to the next camp.

Well done if you made it this far, it was a long one wasn’t it. As always, thanks for reading and please feel free to let me know what you think. Oh and why not check out my video of the camp here: